Fall has come, and we are shifting to the days getting shorter and the weather getting colder. As the season changes, often moods change, particularly as we near Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day. While the holiday season tends to be a joyful time for many, others dread this time of year. One main reason for the dread is grief and loss. The shift of not having a dear loved one present for a time and season that used to bring so much excitement has turned into a time of disappointment, dissatisfaction, and depression. Although there are no easy answers or fixes, the hope is that some of the suggestions listed below will be helpful tools for making it through the holiday season.

1. Remember that God is near – Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” This passage is a beautiful reminder that God is near. He sees your pain and is right there with you. You can lean on Him and know that your heavenly Father is there to comfort you in times of grief.

2. Take time to grieve – You love your deceased loved one. It is okay to take time out to cry, experience feelings of sadness, and reflect. It is okay to visit the cemetery and take flowers. It is okay to take out a journal and write a letter to your loved one. The grief process is a normal part of the human experience, so taking some time to grieve is appropriate. The word of God reminds in Ecclesiastes 3:4 there is “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”

3. Reflect on happy times together – What are some funny memories that you have with your loved one? Was there a silly dance they used to do? Was there that one time when he or she accidentally burned the Thanksgiving turkey, but everyone found it humorous? Was it that silly Christmas gift that made you laugh excessively upon opening it? Although recalling the memories are reminders of your loved one and could elicit some feelings of sadness, taking some time to laugh at things your loved one enjoyed, said, or did could also bring about a smile on your face.

4. Connect with other loved ones – While grieving, we frequently isolate. Some time alone to reflect can be healthy; however, having too much time alone can lead to a deeper sense of depression and loneliness. Rather than isolating, connect with nurturing loved ones. Whether you go to a movie with your best friend, take your grandchildren to the park, eat holiday dinner at a church member’s home, please connect, connect, connect! Connecting may also require creating a new network of friends or adopted family, which is fine. Even if you do not feel like socializing (because you likely do not want to), I encourage you to try it anyway. You can do it and will probably feel better afterward.

5. Help someone else in need – The holiday season presents numerous opportunities to serve. Assisting others helps shift our focus to the needs of someone else and has two benefits. We are meeting someone else’s needs, and we tend to walk away gaining encouragement, knowledge, and or wisdom from the very people we serve. If you do not know where you can help, simply conduct an internet search on local charities, churches, or organizations needing volunteers for the holidays.

6. Start new family traditions – While holiday activities and traditions shift because of a loved one passing away, new practices can be established. Whether you decide that you will be the new host of the holiday party, you will take that 7-day cruise for the holidays, or you will dedicate your time to volunteering, you can decide. You can also ask other family members for suggestions on new traditions and agree on the ideas together.

7. Join a support group/seek professional counseling – The holiday season is a common time for others to struggle with grief more than other times of the year. Connecting with others experiencing grief can be a helpful way for those experiencing sorrow to gain strength, encourage one another, and benefit from mutual support. You do not have to experience this season alone. Matthew 5:4 states, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Engaging in counseling services or groups such as griefshare.org are great ways to gain assistance during this season.

Reflect & Relate

Which tool(s) stood out most that you could apply this holiday season?

Is there someone that you know who could benefit from these tips? If so, please share.

If grief is not your struggle this holiday season, reach out to loved ones and friends who are struggling this season to provide support.

Let Us Pray

Dear God, thank you for reminding me that you are near in my time of grief.  Please give me strength through this holiday season and bring to my remembrance of your goodness despite my pain. Surround me with supportive family and friends and fill me with the comfort that You promise in Your word. I love You and give You all the praise.  In the name of Jesus, amen.

If you haven’t already, I invite you to check out my new book, “A Glimpse of Our Father: Lessons Parenthood Reveals for All of God’s Children,” for more inspiration and encouragement.

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